Monday, November 1, 2010

The Sad Truth

There are many things about a breakup that suck- loss of friends, decreased self esteem, the unanswerable questions. But you know what? You get past all that. You make new friends. Those new friends rebuild your self confidence, and you learn to let go of the unanswerable questions.
So what's the worst part?

The loneliness.

Like I said, you make new friends, and those friends are wonderful. They get you through those tough times, they take you out of your cocoon of despair.

When you get home though, there's no one there. Oh you may have a roommate or family, but you are alone. That person who was at the party with you went back to his house. He isn't home with you. He isn't reminiscing about the night or continuing a conversation.
When you crawl into bed, you sleep with no one.

That is the worst part. That pervasive loneliness comes and goes in intensity but it's always there. To paraphrase a book I read, you can go out with cash in you wallet for a cab if you can't drive, you watch what you drink, but nothing takes the place of having another person watching your back.

I miss that most from being in a relationship. Not from my ex specifically, just that security. It hovers around you as an unseen force that gives you an intangible sense of safety. You know that you can pick up your phone and text or call that person and he will be there. You know that if you have a nightmare, he'll be right there to calm you down. He'll be the one getting you tea or water or medicine in the middle of the night when you get sick.

I'll tell you this though- if anyone reading this is suffering from that loneliness, I like hugs- both giving and receiving.